Friday, April 22, 2011

Friendship= fear. Apparently.

I have to admit, my life has been pretty stress-free when it comes to the friend department. As it should be. Friends are there to hang out with, giggle with, go out with. NOT compete with. Nor be in fear of.

Let me back up. I had been friends w/ someone in the past. We'll call them Z. I am not friends with Z now. I have no reaon to be. Z's take on friendship is "who will give me the most attenion? who will do whatever I ask?" Because I gave up being on Z's schedule and bowing down to them, Z decided I was not worth their time. Ya know what? I'm perfectly fine with it. I made the last contact, congratulating Z on a very exciting time in their life, but since I did not go running to them when they thought I should, Z has not reciprocated in contact. And because of this I have not had to worry if I'm on their shit-list for the week, or the "I'm not talking to you until someone else pisses me off" list.

I am still friends and acquaintances (sp?) with people that are still "friends" with Z. I recently just heard that 2 of them (we'll call them M & N) are having, well, basically an affair. M & N have found they have a lot in common and have a ton of fun together so they meet up and hang out, unbeknownst to Z. They have promised not to tell Z that they have this knew friendship because they don't want Z to become mad & jealous. WTF!? Are you kidding!? You consider Z a friend if they are not even letting you be friends w/ whoever you want? You're 20-something years old!!! Get a handle on your own life!

After hearing this shocking news, I then found out another hysterical story. Z and some friends were out drinking one night. Z went home early to tend to some business. A "friend" needed a ride home because they had been drinking so they asked Z's significant other for a ride home. It was then decided that this would not be told to Z because they didn't want Z accusing them of doing anything together. Again, wtf!?

Z obviuosly has trust issues and feels the need to be the center of attention all the time. I really feel that Z has no actual friends, as they all seem to live in fear...fear of being kicked to the curb and having to crawl back on hands and knees to beg for forgivness (for nothing done wrong!)

There is an event coming up in Z's life that should be exciting and fun for everyone involved, but I feel that all of Z's friends are going to be working overtime to be on their best behavior so they don't get "kicked out" rathen than enjoying it as they should.

These friends need to stand up for themselves, together if needed, to show that the way they are being treated is not the correct way a friend should be treated. I was too scared to call Z out on this and decided the best way for me to go was to just stop contact. It worked for me and I'm fine with it, but because it was only me, Z will never realize that she is the problem. If Z loses all friends then maybe Z will realize that they are the problem and need to change the way they are treating their friends. Only when Z realizes that they are the problem and chooses to fix the ways, will Z have friends. Real friends.

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